Saturday, March 10, 2018

256. The Raiders of Atlantis

256. The Raiders of Atlantis aka I predatori di Atlantide (1983)
Director: Ruggero Deodato
Writers: Tito Carpi and Vincenzo Mannino
From: Sci-Fi Invasion

A mission to raise a nuclear sub from the bottom of the ocean inadvertently brings forth Atlantis. Now roving gangs of Atlanteans are wantonly killing people while searching for one woman.

We open with our heroes, Mike and Washington (who insists on being called “Mohammed” through this opening sequence and then never again), breaking into a house, killing all the guards and killing the owner. He’s sealed in a body bag and delivered to their employer who refuses to show his face. He pays the pair and they announce their intention to travel to Trinidad.

Meanwhile, Dr. Cathy Rollins, an expert in pre-Columbian languages, is flown out to an ocean rig. The crew there is trying to surface a derelict Russian nuclear sub. In the process, somehow, they’ve found a tablet with runes they don’t recognize. While she examines that, the crew brings up the sub, but something goes wrong at the last minute. The ocean gets super choppy and everyone abandons the rig before it's destroyed. Mike and Washington are at sea at this point and rescue the crew.

The disturbance has been caused by Atlantis returning from the ocean floor. With its rise, gangs emerge from the cities—not from Atlantis—and start murdering everyone. Mike et al sail to the nearest shore and find themselves almost immediately under attack: first, by their friend on the boat who tries to kidnap Dr. Rollins, then by the Mad Max-esque gangs on land.

There isn’t much plot from this point. The gangs are after Rollins. Mike, Washington, and the ragtag group they assemble (and then lose, one by one) fight the gangs. We get several nice action set pieces including two separate instances of a man on fire. Then Rollins is captured and taken to the island. The group goes to find her and split up once they get to Atlantis: one team to find Rollins, the other to disable the sub and sink the island. Everyone dies except Mike, Rollins, and Washington.

Mike and Washington go to the heart of the island where they find Rollins turned into an Atlantean. The islanders wanted her because she figured out what the tablet said and believe she can restore them to their former glory. When she sees Mike, she changes her mind, and sinks the island instead. Mike and Washington rush back to their helicopter and find Rollins on board. They all escape and Rollins starts making out with Mike. THE END.

This intrepid 1983 sci-fi actioner is set in the far-off future of 1994 for no reason whatsoever. Why set your movie eleven years in the future? This reminds me that I’ve been thinking of doing a bad movie podcast called “It Was the Year” that focuses on movies set in a future that’s already past and how entertainingly wrong they got everything. This movie, though, announces that it’s set in the future and then doesn’t have anything to do with any sort of future whatsoever.

Anyway, I was primed for this because I’d already seen it reviewed on Best of the Worst. I’d forgotten most of what they said apart from this being a Mad Max rip-off and a few details about the conclusion. I didn’t remember any details about how fundamentally silly it all is.

And it is silly. I don’t know what the opening sequence with the murder is supposed to be about. It never comes up again and we never get any conflict in the movie arising from Mike and Washington being murderers for hire. Plus there’s the strange fact of the titular Raiders. They’re not from Atlantis. The way the movie’s cut, it’s very clear that when Atlantis rises, these people who are already on land get the signal and start raiding. Who are they and where did they come from? And how would they know anything about Rollins?

Who cares? Stuff sure does blow up good. And that’s the proper attitude to have going into this. The acting is over-the-top, the set-ups are downright silly, and the various set pieces are kind of inventive. An early scene of a hanging body bumping against a jukebox and causing the record to skip is well-conceived and pleasantly creepy. More often though, the movie descends into people shooting at other people.

I’d give it a recommend. It never trips over itself by entering super-uncomfortable spaces and it’s pretty relentlessly goofy. The flick’s only just over ninety minutes and it moves through that time well enough from its toy models in a bathtub to its hilariously-timed deaths. While it’d be best enjoyed with friends, I think it’s silly enough to entertain even if you’re alone.

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