Director: George Bowers
Writer: Joe Roberts
From: Cult Cinema
Bobby’s dad hires a French tutor to help Bobby get into Yale, but she may end up teaching him more than just French.
Jesus, another Marimark Production and another movie with a student hooking up with their teacher. Have I offended some vindictive cosmic force?
Anyway, this is directed by the same guy who did The Hearse, a Marimark movie I didn’t hate. Didn’t love it either. My opinion then was that the movie was fine if kind of baggy—there was little motive force within the production itself. The same could be said for this movie, except it’s a comedy, a genre that, arguably, needs more energy on screen than horror.
So, Bobby, a high school senior (played by a 24-year-old: director continues his penchant for elderly teens) fails his French exam. His rich father (played by Kevin McCarthy who’s too good for this movie) hires a tutor, Terry, to move into the house and give Bobby French lessons every day. If Bobby gets an 85 or better on the test, Terry gets a $10,000 bonus. This is important to note now even though it doesn’t come up again until the end of the movie.
From here, two plotlines alternate with each other. One is Bobby studying French, crushing on his tutor, and then the two of them hooking up. The other is Bobby’s friend Billy and Billy’s brother Jack, trying to get laid. They go to a brothel, meet up with (maybe) a sex worker, go to a mud wrestling match, and always fail with “hilarious” consequences.
No, the latter plot isn’t funny, but it ups the boob ratio in the movie helping it be more of the sex comedy that the producers clearly want it to be. Like most of these Marimark movies, it doesn’t rise (or sink) to the level of being a Skinemax flick, but there’s a constant leering quality about so much of it. From the very beginning, even. The opening cuts between Bobby failing his test and Terry at an aerobics class, the balance of time spent on the latter. Later, Bobby and Jack leer at the women in the class from the other side of a window. In case you had doubts of how to read the scene of long shots of women doing pelvic lifts in leotards, the movie is modeling your expected response.
The only interesting thing about the boys’ “antics” is that Jack is played by Crispin Glover. He brings the weird to the role and actually makes it a character. Other than Kevin McCarthy who’s doing the shouty dad/boss character he always does (and does well), Glover is the only person playing a character in the movie and making something of it. Even though they’re the scenes I’m most likely to cringe at, his presence made them the best part of the movie.
The main plot though: Bobby starts crushing on Terry, they get together, they’re harried by her ex-boyfriend who’s a scumbag, but isn’t really an issue. Once they start hooking up, the French lessons vanish from the film, which seems like an odd thing to note, but that test is the ticking clock. Bobby has to pass that test so how’s the preparation for that going? Movie drops it completely until the last fifteen minutes making the whole movie have no forward momentum at all.
Surprise, Bobby passes the test, but learns that Terry is getting a $10,000 bonus for her work and taking a trip to France. He throws a tantrum, rides off on his scooter, has an accident, and ends up at the house of a girl he crushed on throughout high school. The next morning, he comes home, makes up with Terry, and says good-bye. THE END
100% a don’t care-can’t care situation. This lands just outside of the creeper realm that The Teacher wallowed in because at least both characters are consenting adults (and played by people in their 20’s and 30’s), but I may only have that sense since the characters try to keep it a secret in this movie whereas the characters in The Teacher had the support of the parents.
Honestly, though, the movie’s just boring. It’s a comedy without any comedic energy so I can’t even get worked up about the weird gender and sexual stuff going on. Crispin Glover makes it interesting, but it’s easy enough to just fast-forward to the parts where he is since he’s dressed like Bertie Wooster throughout despite the contemporary setting. No surprise, I’m not recommending this Marimark Production.
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