Thursday, August 09, 2012

Back in the Box

My dog is suffering from separation anxiety. What this means in technical terms is she gets upset when I leave her alone in the apartment. What it means in literal terms is she destroys anything she comes in contact with every time I leave her alone to the point where, today, she squeezed her way out of her crate, chewed up the rug in my room, knocked over a lamp and chewed on the top of it--including the light bulb.

This brings the total amount of things she's destroyed in the past month-and-a-half to
  • 2 standing lamps
  • 1 set of sheets (because of the broken light bulb on it)
  • 2 pet crate trays
  • 1 pet crate
  • 2 towels
  • 1 dog bed
  • 1 box fan
  • 1 area rug
  • 1 autographed book

Needless to say, I'm upset about that list, but I'm more concerned about her freaking out and potentially hurting herself. Here's a picture of her in the crate after destroying her dog bed:

My dog weighs about 50 lbs and her shoulders stop just before my knee. In other words, she's not small. The first time she broke out of her crate, she kicked the pan out then squeezed through the gap it left. That gap was about an inch tall.

My dog's tail is the only thing that would fit through that gap.

She stretched it out. After she escaped, the gap was 3 inches tall, the crate permanently distorted.

So now I'm trying to re-crate train her, part of which is this post. I have to reacclimate her to the crate and to the idea of me leaving. The vet suggested doing it in 15-minute intervals where I lock her in the crate and do something else. Thus the blog. I'll be updating daily while she's locked in the box.

Lest I come off as making light of locking her in a crate (words not chosen accidentally), it's a situation where I don't have any options. I've tried letting her run free in my room while I'm gone and she did all the things I mentioned. I came home from giving blood today and she hadn't only escaped the crate and destroyed the lamp, there was also the issue of the compact fluorescent bulb that had formerly been in the lamp. Her freaking out when I leave is the problem, not that she doesn't like the crate.

To end on a lighter note, here's a clip from last night Colbert Report about dogs:
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Steve King's Dogfighting Defense
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Saturday, June 30, 2012

Philthy Living: Aztec Chocolate Ice Cream

Yes, not the most original name, there's a (very nice) Flickr set with the same title here, but so much of the shape of my life right now seems built upon the fact that I'm living in Philadelphia, living in an urban area instead of the suburban Midwest that I grew up in that it deserves highlighting in the title.

So, the story: I'm going salsa dancing with some friends and someone I might be interested in. My friends don't know she's coming and may be bringing someone to set me up with—a nice gesture, but give a brother the head's-up if you're doing it, please?

Since it's going to be a Latin dance night, I figured I'd prepare a Latin meal and talk through the various recipes as I put them together. First, the menu:

Opening: Gazpacho soup
Main dish: Quinoa and black bean soft tacos
Side dish: Mexican blackened corn
Dessert: Aztec "hot" chocolate ice cream

I was thinking of having chips and salsa as an appetizer, and salsa as a garnish, but that gets to be a bit much, more along the lines of what I'd plan if we were only having dinner or if I was hosting a dinner party. You'll notice, if you click through to the recipe sources, that they're all vegan except (obviously) the ice cream which is merely vegetarian. This isn't accidental. Partly because I find vegan/vegetarian food allows for more play with flavors and spices, and partly because I don't want my date overstuffed with meat and thus too logey for dancing. While this meal provides a nice mix of proteins, carbs, and fats, it won't leave us feeling bloated the way a side of beef tends to do.

I'd go through the gazpacho, but it's literally slice the ingredients, dump in a food processor/blender, chill overnight. The easiest thing to make and it's very satisfying, especially on hot summer days when you don't use air conditioning (though maybe I've said too much).

I'm going to focus instead, this time, on the ice cream. The recipe is here and I pulled it from the same book they cite. I'm not reprinting it here because I do not have, nor have I sought, permission. I was initially introduced to this flavor by an ex-girlfriend who made it for me one very fun night and it's what prompted me to buy my own ice cream maker. If you're thinking about getting an ice cream maker, I'll note two things. 1: it doesn't make ice cream cheaper so if you eat a lot, you're better off buying it from the store unless you like specialized flavors, and, 2: avoid buying retail if you can. Lots of people buy them, never use them, then post them on Craigslist. Give it a little time and you can find a brand-new one for $25 like I did.

Anyway, here's a shot of all the ingredients lined up plus the Philly Roller Girls' mug that I'm going to drink a milkshake out of once this ice cream is done.
You'll notice that while the recipe calls for brandy, I'm using Kahlua, because that's what I have and because the hint of coffee adds an extra richness/darkness to the flavor. I'm also using imitation vanilla flavor instead of extract. I've been told vanilla's only added for taste and the flavor does the same job at a much lower price so I use that.

I combine the cream, cocoa, and sugar in the saucepan and heat. I, unfortunately combined them while heating which produced pimples of unincorporated cocoa powder. I recommend stirring it all together as much as possible before you start heating. You can make the pimples disappear, but I think it's simpler to get it all as mixed together as possible before you start.

Now I add the chopped chocolate. I didn't have any problem with the chocolate melting as pieces, but, as mentioned earlier, I don't use A/C so my apartment can get pretty hot. In this or other chocolate ice cream recipes, it can be useful to grate the chocolate or run it through a food processor so it's in small, easily-melted shavings, or to just melt it in a microwave and dump it in. If the chocolate doesn't melt all the way, the ice cream can come out with a slightly gritty texture. Not a problem if you're adding various chips or chunks, not great if the ice cream's supposed to stand alone.

I transfer the mixture to the cooling bowl—just the piece of Tupperware I'd typically store the final product in—and add the milk, spices, and other ingredients.

The recipe calls for putting the mixture in a blender to smooth it all out. I've never found that to be necessary, but it does help integrate the spices a little more. Unfortunately, I don't have a blender. I do, though, have an immersion blender which seems to do the job fine (and is an essential purchase if you ever eat hummus. Seriously. It's like a dollar a batch if you make it at home and what's it cost to buy? You make your money back in 4 batches or less).

I put the mixture in the fridge to cool and, when I'm about ready to pour it into the ice cream maker, put it into the freezer, stirring periodically. You don't want it to start to freeze, but you want it to be as cold as it can be before adding it to the mixer. I had to try 3 times to make my first batch before I figured this out. This may also be a consequence of no A/C. Regardless, let it get cold before adding it to your mixer.

This batch froze up problem free, actually becoming full-on ice cream and not just soft-serve before I scooped it out. The batch, about a quart, fit perfectly in the larger Jämka containers from IKEA, which makes me glad I bought them.

The girl, for those seeking narrative closure, declined my invitation for dinner at mine so we're going out before dancing instead. We'll see how it goes, but at least I have some delicious ice cream waiting for me when I get home or for the next time I have a chance to make dinner for someone.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Story Slam: Detours

I promise, I'll have content beyond just these stories soon. Until then, the story of how I became the Reverend and the best possible way to quit a job.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Story Slam: My Favorite Mistake

What it actually takes for me to cut a person out of my life and why I don't talk to the people I've dropped. I almost won this time.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Story Slam: Your Mom

My latest story. I don't know if I'm comfortable watching this after telling it.