PD Project Part 8

Disc 8
• The Sons of Hercules: the Land of Darkness (1963) runtime: 1:20:17

  Argolese, son of Hercules, must save his betrothed and her townspeople from the evil cannibalistic Demulus.
  This is pretty chaotic. Argolese saves a maiden from a lion, then her town from a dragon, then the town's sole survivor from a bear and on and on. It's a stunningly bad film, and fun for being so bad--bad editing, bad dubbing and just bad ideas. There's even a trailer for the last part of the movie in the middle of the movie. Seriously, the movie just cuts to an ad for the rest of the film. Not just bad, inventively bad. Has to be seen to be believed.
  Archive.org page
  

• The Devil of the Desert Against the Son of Hercules (1964) runtime: 1:32:06

  The evil Gainor murders his king and tries to seize the thrown, but the princess escapes and finds Antar who helps her in her quest to rescue her people.
  Not bad. Again, these Hercules movies are better the less Hercules is in them, or at least the less central he is to the plot. If Herc has to be the hero, it's good. If Herc is what people are fighting over and trying to manipulate, it's bad.
  This is still a Herc movie though so it has its own non-sequiturs. There are a few instances where tumbling worked in. It looks nice, but why is it there? Plus there's this mute kid. Called "Mute." Who hangs around Antar. While both are wearing just diapers. Okay. There's a fight with a rhino which is much less dramatic than it sounds and a chamber of mirrors. While it's hard to think the mirrored room could be as perilous as it's portrayed, they are nice shots.
  Archive.org page
  

• First Spaceship on Venus (1960) runtime: 1:18:26

  A spaceship is dispatched to Venus after a meteorite is found to be a relic from a crashed ship. However, the more the crew learn about the Venusians, the more they uncover a sinister and catastrophic secret.
  I'm struggling to find more ways to say "slow and boring." Nothing happens, no tension. This is sci-fi in the vein of imagining what might be encountered in space rather than any conflict based around what might be encountered. Essentially there's no story here--no characters, no plot, nothing. Then at the very end, everything goes haywire and several crew members are lost, but so what?
  I'm in the process of adding an MPEG of this to the Internet Archive.
  iPod Archive.org page
  trailer on Archive.org
  This was episode 0211 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and can be viewed on YouTube (in 10 parts) or downloaded from the Digital Archive Project.

• Zontar, the Thing From Venus (1966) runtime: 1:20:13

  An alien from Venus arrives on Earth and starts trying to take over the planet, one person at a time.
  I have seen this film more times than it warrants. A stunningly crappy flick. You want a hero who's spared because he's brilliant but can't figure you what's going on? You got it! You want a dick who's blind to the monster's machinations but has a last-minute change-of-heart? You got it! You want an entertaining 80 minutes of film? Oh, gee, sorry, fresh out.
  I'm in the process of adding an MPEG of this to the Internet Archive.
  Wikipedia article
  

I'll be back next time with Disc 9: low-budget reaches a new low as we face an invisible strangler, rednecks hunting an alien and two films with cranky scientists descending into caves.

PD Project Update

Now available from the Internet Archive:
Hercules Unchained
Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon

PD Project Part 5

Behold: Hercules!
Or don't. You know. Whatever.

Disc 5
• Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964) runtime: 1:26:13

  Hercules is summoned to defeat the mountain-dwelling monsters that are oppressing the people of Samar, but Queen Samara has her own deal with the monsters and opposes Hercules' meddling.
  Part of the Queen's deal with the moon men is to let them sacrifice her sister to resurrect their queen. Hercules is curiously slow to stop the kidnapping of the Queen's sister preferring to use subterfuge to defeat the threat because, yeah, that's what Hercules is known for, his exquisite mind. Hercules is actually kind of heroic in this one--mostly because he's not invincible. He takes risks for principled purposes. And the movie has some nice action sequences--almost all ruined by the pan-and-scan. There is one odd plot point. Herc has to drink a mind-control potion. Rather than pretend to drink it or switch the cups, he's simply unaffected with no real explanation. Honestly though, there are only two things to watch this movie for: the sandstorm sequence (Deep Hurting for all the MST3K fans) and the line, "Under the evil influence of Uranus." So funny.
  Archive.org page
  Wikipedia article
  This was episode 0410 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and can be purchased as part of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 7.

• Hercules and the Captive Women (1961) runtime: 1:34:03

  The kingdom of Thebes is menaced by an unknown enemy so the King sets out with Hercules to defeat the threat. Their quest uncovers the hidden kingdom of Atlantis, but there is strange doings afoot.
  These films neither translate nor age well, which is a shame. Even with the dreadful pan-and-scan you can tell these used to be splendid epics--visually stunning and sumptuous.
  This one has a long opening and, in general, is campier than Moon Men above. The odd this is the film is patently ridiculous and then gets good. The plot moves from silly to epic and action-packed. All the sub-plots, so awkwardly introduced, end up being relatively nicely resolved. I should be making fun of this movie, but honestly, MST3K's pretty much covered it. This would almost be worth watching in widescreen if that were in any way an option.
  This film was public domain, but is now actually back under copyright, which sucks: V8004P757/1997-01-21. There are still copies out there though.
  Archive.org page
  This was episode 0412 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and can be viewed on YouTube (in 10 parts) or downloaded from the Digital Archive Project.

• Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon (1964) 1:25:07

  After a three-year absence, Hercules returns to find his home conquered by the Babylonian empire and his queen enslaved. He must free her before the three rulers of Babylon find her and use her to their own evil purposes.
  Herc doesn't have a beard in this one and his weapon of choice is a giant club. The overall effect is to make him look like a college-bred caveman. Not my favorite Hercules. He simply doesn't look, well, Herculean. However, the movie, unlike the previous two, is pretty good throughout. It a semi-epic tale of empires whose histories will be shaped by Hercules' actions rather than being all about Hercules. I have to wonder if that isn't exactly what makes the movie good.
  I am in the process of adding this film to the Internet Archive right now.
  Wikipedia article
  

• Hercules Unchained (1959)

  Hercules returns to Thebes to find the land on the brink of civil war. While trying to deliver a treaty to prevent the war, Hercules drinks from the fountain of forgetfulness and is ensnared by the evil Omphale who plans to kill him and turn him into a statue for her garden.
  Most random Hercules movie yet. Nothing that happens in this movie has anything to do with anything else. It's so random as to be nigh-dada. The only character that does anything that ties the disparate elements together is Ulysses, friend of Hercules. He's the one who figures out what' happening and takes action to save the day. I think MST made fun of this one for Hercules always taking a nap. I think he was trying to lead by example.
  I am in the process of adding an MPEG of this film to the Internet Archive right now.
  AVI Archive.org page
  Wikipedia article
  This was episode 0408 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and can be purchased as part of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 7.

I'll be back next time with Disc 6: four more films including two about perils faced by stranded peoples, a spaceship coming to destroy the Earth and Brandon Lee in a film that will destroy your mind! Sadly only two are PD.