My Jandek Plague Journal: 4/11/20 "Wrong Time"

"I am a fool/Forgive me/If a door is open/I should be back soon." The pandemic has given me plenty of time to think about lost loves, the friends I've left behind, how things could have been different. That kind of thinking requires reaching back so far, unwinding so much time, so many events. If I take that garden walk with Borges, do I still end up here? None of those choices would have turned back COVID. I got up early for a Saturday to meet friends online to play games, then jumped into another online convo that alternately kept trying to recoil from the seriousness of things with levity and trying to maintain levity in the face of the seriousness of things. When the second set of conversations ended, I was alone on my side of the world, settling into the arrival of the afternoon. I cleaned the floors, washed the dishes, did some laundry. I repotted some plants and put the tiny details of my life that I could control in order, and stayed there. -4/11/20. "Wrong Time" from Nine-Thirty (lyrics) (one week earlier) (one week later)