My Jandek Plague Journal: 4/7/20 "Rather Be Blind"

"You call me out/From this cave/And now I fall out/Into my grave." My friend in Canada contacted me last night to ask how my family was handling the virus. One of his relatives died and, while it seems unrelated to COVID, they can't have a service because of the disease. His parents and friends are also at high risk for the disease. I replied that my family was fine, and then in describing each of their situations realized how fragile and precarious each of their situations is. I'm firewalled here, privileged. Even though the disease is present in my mind, it's not manifesting in my home. I don't have to fear the effects of it; I can imagine that it's not touching me because its ravages are being felt on the other side of a screen. But that other side of the screen is where my family lives and the touch of this pandemic is going to ripple trough every aspect of their lives even if they never catch it. I go for a walk, listening to a man from Texas to keep myself thinking about it. -4/7/20. "Rather Be Blind" from Staring at the Cellophane (lyrics) (one week earlier) (one week later)